Whats with me and Weddings?
Me & Weddings, why the passionate interest you ask?
When I was a little girl, around 6 years old I was a flowergirl at my aunty’s wedding. From that day on, the fantasy of one day growing all the way up to 21 years old and getting married to a big, stong, handsome man occupied my thoughts constantly.
I had hoped that Jason; who sat next to me in class every day and would help make up dance routines to popular songs of the day that we would sing aloud together, would be the ONE.
Who could possibly have guessed that Jason was actually gay and therefore did not share the same interest in me as I in him and would therefore not likely marry me. Upon this discovery at the tender pre-teen age of 11 years old, in mad panic for fear of time running out, the daunting task of finding another possible marriage suitor was on!
It seemed that every boy that crossed my path would be analysed as a potential marriage suitor. In my fantasy’s, each boy would be endowed in a black and white tuxedo, black top hat & a black cane – do not ask why they had to have a black cane, perhaps it added a touch of drama to the thoughts I entertained.
Of course, these boys would be completely oblivious that I was re-dressing them in the my head – and were likely a little ill at ease in my presence as I stared them intently up and down only to look away completely dismayed as none seemed to fit the bill. At that stage, the only thing of importance with regards to the perfect marriage mate, was how well he would look in that tuxedo.
A couple of years later, other, more significant facets of my perfect suitor were to be realised, it wasnt just about the tux. 14 years old & trying to initiate some sort of social life which I needed to be an active participant of in order to find Mr Right; as he certainly couldnt be found if I sat at home – no, Mr Wonderful does not appear to you from the middle of nowhere on that fairy tale white horse, another pre-conceived misconception that dashed my hopes. But I had a wee dilhemma, I had no car. So now, the suitor not only had to look great in a tux, but drive a car. Ironically, I happened to meet such a guy – Cameron.
Cameron didnt just have a car, he had a van!! (Was this some sort of foreshadow of the people mover I now drive … hmmm). But, there was a small problem, yes, he had a car, and yes, Cameron would look great in a tux, but something was missing … some time later, it dawned on me … feelings! One had to have feelings, some sort of attraction that would make me/him different from just any other person. Cameron was my best friend, definately marriage material, but not my suitor – oh how complicated this whole wedding thing was getting…
Like an excerpt from Bridget Jones’s diary, I was starting to become quite concerned that things weren’t going to plan. I was beginning to wonder I would end up a spinster, bear in mind I was only 14 years old.
Perhaps I was placing unrealistic expectations upon marriage. The fantasy’s I had conjured up since childhood had fast diminished. So why did an ache inside of me continue to exist? Why did the fantasy of a wedding, whereby I now revelled in the thought of my dad walking me down the isle, still linger in me like a mexican over a tequila bottle? Simply, I love the concept of weddings, marriage and all that entails – that is, a family, my life.
Was I normal? Perhaps not. Did any of my friends feel this way? Do other young girls anywhere think such things too? I now have a 15 year old & an 11 year old daughter who of course want to one day get married, but fantasise more about career prospects over marriage to guys in black and white tuxedos.
In summary – Weddings & Me is kind of like “Forest Gump & Jenny”, the ultimate eventuality. I love the concept of marriage including the Wedding Day, and I continue to remain a passionate advocate of this institution. It is the oldest institution since man was created, therefore one to be sanctified.
So did my fantasy come to fruition? There was a wee string of boyfriends, a couple of whom I actually also thought might be the ONE, but as history shows certainly were not, then … at 17 years old I met Grant.
A short time later, and for the very first time in my life, that “feeling” was discovered, and there was a word for it to – LOVE – and whilst I wasnt even looking for it! 4 years later, what irony, we were married when I was 21 years old. Things are great. I have my love, my life, my family. I look back and remember clearly the exhileration of planning my wedding so many years in advance.
This year, Grant and I would’ve spent 17 years together, over half my life’s existance. We have certainly have had our share of hurdles and nobody knows what tomorrow will bring either, but for now, things have turned out better than I even planned. And what have I learnt?
MARRIAGE IS NOT A WEDDING but FANTASY ISNT ALWAYS FICTION
I think it is fair to say that many today dont necessarily share my enthusiasm on this subject for numerous reasons. Please be sure to come back and check my blog as I address some of these reasons in future topcis. The next Blog will discuss:
“To Marry or not To Marry”, 3 key reasons why people are reluctant to marry.
